The best way to help your children sexually is to give them the truth from the Expert, the Creator of sex Himself. Here are some major points to share:
- God created sex.Genesis 1:27 tells us, "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." God designed the parts of their bodies, designed the way they would fit together, and said it was very good(Genesis1:31).
- God made sex for three purposes in marriage:1) God created sex so that we can reproduceand have children. Genesis 1:28 tells us that God blessed the man and the woman and commanded them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. 2) God created sex for intimacy in marriage. Genesis 4:1 says, “Now Adamhad sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant.” Adam did not simply kiss Eve. He had sexual relations with his wife, and she became pregnant. God intended us to have such close relationships that sex is a natural result in marriage. 3) Sex is for pleasure in marriage. God approves of appropriate gestures of love, romance, and pleasure between married people.“Let her breasts satisfy you always.May you always be captivated by her love.”You might think that’s a quote from Playboy. Actually, God said it (Proverbs 5:19). The whole Song of Solomon is about sexual love in marriage. God is not opposed to sexual pleasure. It was His idea.
- Sex was created to be enjoyed by a man and a woman in marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin(1 Corinthians 6:9, Matthew15:19).The fact that we have a desire, that we want something, does not make it right or good.When God forbids something, it is for our own good. He is protecting and providing for us.
-You prevent guilt, shame, and emotional scars when you hold to a standard of sexual holiness.
-You will not be tempted to compare your future spouse with a past lover or have ghosts in your life.
-You have no risk of sexually transmitted disease.
-You will not face bringing a child into the world before the circumstances are right for two parents to raise the child together in a secure, stable environment.
-It gives much needed training in self-control and self-denial, and builds trust for your future.
-Waiting until marriage creates the story you are proud to share.
In addition to talking, create a home environment that provides love, security, and physical affection for your children.The children most at risk for unwise sex are emotionally needy because they lack a loving, supportive home environment with high standards, much encouragement, and uplifting role models. They never get too old to receive your affirmation and affection. Help them get so much love and acceptance at home, they don’t have to seek it other places.
Help them avoid the trap of pornography by putting filters on your computer. But realize phones and other social media can find the most innocent.Help them learn to guard their eyes and heart by telling them what you do when you accidentally see sexually provocative things. Model it by what you watch on TV and the movies.
The Do’s are just as important as the Don’ts.DO follow God. DO think of what you want to be able to tell your future spouse. DO think of how you hope they are acting and the choices they are making right now. DO remember that as soon as you stumble in the smallest way, you can be forgiven. DO guard your eyes because you cannot unsee images. DO guard your ears because you cannot unhear things. DO guard your mouth because what you say has much power.
Don’t overthink it. You do not need long, drawn-out conversations. Just talk appropriately and casually as the situation presents itself. Don’t run from it. Answer questions as they come up, age appropriately.Answer honestly and with enough information until they are satisfied. Waiting for one big sex talk is a major mistake. If you keep communication healthy in your family, you will have a series of natural trust-building talks over time, and your children will have all the information they need when they need it.
God gave you children. He trusts you to do this with His help. You can do it.